"Guys in my world seemed to value only girls who initiated relationships, flirting, and sex - girls who had absolutely no boundaries around their hearts or bodies. At age fifteen, I found myself being molded into the kind of girl the world expected me to be.
The next season of my life was the most hellish I have ever experienced. My desperate search for a prince who would cherish me forever had become my demise. I had listened to the voice of the culture and become the young woman it convinced me to be, hoping that the result would be the discovery of a happily-ever-after tale. Instead, my heart was mercilessly trampled time and time again."
Leslie Ludy, Authentic Beauty
Eight years old was really too young to be going to see the movie Grease, but it was 1978, and the movie had just come out in theaters. My mom's collection of vinyl records had already trained me to idolize Olivia Newton John's voice and beauty, and so going to the movie was never in question. In my young heart and mind, it was a nice reprieve from all the Star Wars hoopla from the year before. (Though I enjoyed that one as well. Just not as much. Call me shallow and unsophisticated, it's fine.) But even at eight years old, Olivia disappointed me when she tossed out her poodle skirt for black leather in order to please John Travolta. Something was just so wrong with that in my girlish mind.
Anyway, my eight year old ideals did not change much over the years. I continued to believe that women should remain true to themselves fueled by God's image in them and His faithfulness to them. I didn't fully realize it at the time, but one reason for all of this was probably that I had become a Christian right before Grease hit theaters. Now that I think of it, God's timing was so perfect. Had He not sovereignly orchestrated my salvation then, I probably would have been greatly influenced in another direction by Olivia's black leather transformation. And not only that, but by the many opportunities to rebel with peers all around me and conform to the culture.
Oh, I had my moments, but most of them were fairly mild in comparison to the risks others were taking. For example, I did wear a two piece bathing suit once in high school under pressure from my boyfriend's family to "show a little skin." And I may have had a margarita or two while sitting with his parents by the lake. See what I mean? Not exactly what would be considered a walk on the wild side in most circles.
(This is just my story. I believe that all conversions are sovereignly orchestrated and timed, and that all are in equal need of forgiveness from sin. My seemingly goody-two-shoes life was still laden with sin and in need of forgiveness.)
One thing that those early experiences left me with was a deep sadness now when I watch girls compromise their convictions and ideals, their value and worth, their image-bearing status, and their God-given personalities. It brings me to the fourth thing I hope my daughter will cling to as she navigates the dating world.
4. Personality Permanence is Important
This is really just an awkward way of using the letter "P" alliteratively to say Stay true to who you are in Christ, your gifts, your hopes, your dreams, your desires. Resist the urge to try and change yourself to meet the expectations - stated or assumed - of a man or of anyone, really.
God put much thought into forming you from the inside out. He wove you together inside my womb. You were fearfully and wonderfully made, and every one of God's works is good. They are purposeful and unique and individual. You were skillfully designed by the ultimate of Creators, and He has a lifetime of days planned for you to, according to your gifts and calling, bring Him glory. (from Psalm 139)
And you are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus ~ and again, created for good works that He prepared for you even before you were born. You were made to walk in those good and God-glorifying works. (from Ephesians 2:10)
You have also been bought with a price, a very expensive one. The brutal, unjust death of Christ Himself. Because of this, you are not your own, but are united to, indwelt by, and belong to Him. (from I Corinthians 6) What a privilege. Who can even fathom it? Our bodies, temples of the Holy Spirit? Wow.
So, present your body to Him sacrificially in all situations - at home, on the track, on the stage, at church, with friends. When you do that, you are worshiping Him. In fact, every act of obedience is an act of worship. (My favorite quote from Stepping Heavenward) And don't let the culture, or men, or friends, conform you to their image or ideas, but do let the Lord transform you continually to His image and will. (From Romans 12)
Like Leslie told us in Authentic Beauty, listening to the voice of the culture will not bring you any happily-ever-afters. In fact, it may bring devastation. So, listen to the voice of the Lord. Be true to the person He created you to be, and to His calling, and to the gifts He's given you. That's where protection and life and joy and freedom are found. I can promise you that, because He promises that.
One thing that gives me hope that you will remain true to who you are in Christ is this:
Any guy who can't appreciate the Pegacorn ought to be crossed off the list immediately.
But more importantly, any guy who can't handle Jesus in you should be dropped entirely. You are worth so much more than that.