Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love and Lent {Lent Day 2}

 Early morning drive across the state yesterday.  I turn off the blaring radio and almost tear up immediately in the silence.  I know it's time to pray, not listen to the latest pop song or even the latest headlines.  Adoration ~ You are so generous and good, Lord.  You are holy.  Sovereign.  Your was the gift of living water to me. Confession ~ "May I never again know the sentiment of disdain..." I remember Katy's words.  A fictional character, but not totally fictional.  She is also the godly author, and she is me.  Lord, so much pride and judgment in my heart and mind.  Transform me from the sentiment of disdain. Thanksgiving ~ where do I start, Lord?  My home, my children, the fellowship of friends and believers, my health...and my husband.
 I'm driving across the state to meet with a couple of women ~ one of whom has been on a painful journey in the last few weeks regarding her engagement and one who desires to be married like all of her peers at this age.  Both entrusting themselves to the Lord in their desires and griefs, these women's stories come to me in the midst of the impending and unfounded divorce of a young couple in our church, and on the heels of a dear friend's long journey through an abusive marriage. I don't know why I am still so surprised by depravity.
 Maybe it's why the call for me during the Lenten season of preparation seems to be confession.  I kept asking Him how He desired that I spend these 40 days, and this is the thing that the Spirit kept prompting: Confession of my own depravity to Him and others on a daily basis and confession of His truly amazing grace in my life to you and others also ~ on a daily basis.  I ought not be so surprised by sin even when what it looks like in others is not my particular brand of choice.  It's really all the same. I needed the Cross and was as utterly hopeless to save myself as was the next person.
 The Masspike is not busy, the silence remains, and the prayer continues. Confession ~ I don't love my husband like I should or desire to, Lord.  He gets the leftovers so often in the craziness of parenting teens and keeping up with schedules and homeschooling.  Thanksgiving ~ And yet you've given him to me, Lord.  Thank you.  Thank you for this man who loves me fiercely and unashamedly, who nurtures my gifts and listens to my words and worries and wounds, who loves You so steadfastly, and faithfully shepherds the flock of his church and family.  Thank you for one who, in your strength, has forsaken worldly temptation even with its ease of acquisition and experience, remaining wholly committed to me.  Thank you for his humility, and his magnanimity which no one but me truly sees ~ and which even I am oblivious to so often.  And thank you for his humor and lighthearted fun ~ especially since I am almost devoid of such tendencies. {sigh.}
The Cross AND the gift of this man ~ and so many other gifts. Oh Lord, your abounding and unfathomable love despite depravity because of Jesus is something I hope to never get over!  Supplication ~ Please use this practice of confession to grow gratitude for your life and death and for the many generous gifts you give.

Hoping to be here every day until Easter with confessions as a way to observe the season, and would love to hear how you are walking through these days of preparation, too!

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